
To my dearest fellow citizens,
I write to you today with a heavy, yet hopeful heart. All who read this are surely aware of the worrying state Regalia finds itself in. The past month alone has seen an outrageous uptick in crime, striking fear in Regalians of every social class. From the brutalization of nobility to a mass pseudo-Vampirism infection to the almost constant sieges of holy sites to even DOG abductions. Many of the malfeasants responsible for these incidents abuse the protections that the Crookback borough provides, playing fast and loose with the law. This perversion of the Crown's goodwill can no longer stand.
However, I do not wish to portray the Crookback borough and its inhabitants in an overwhelmingly negative light. The borough is home to many a criminal, yes, but also innocent Regalians who are simply trying to do their duty to the Empire. It was only last week I freely walked into Crookback with Miss Fiorenza Garofalo and handed out free sunscreen, makeup, and fans (all courtesy of La Belle Vie). The experience, notably free of ANY violence, showed me that the people of Crookback are more than capable of behaving with a level of decorum previously thought impossible. Many Crookbackers were sent home with Countess Fabienne du Poncaire's Guide to Fan Language, displaying their curiosity and eagerness to immerse themselves in something other than depravity.
With these facts in mind, the question arises: how can we begin to remedy this streak of violence? How can we continue to encourage all Regalian's natural inclination to duty and civility?
Let us start by cleansing the rot that infects the Holy City, beginning with the one called "Florian." On Wednesday the 21st, Florian shot me, an honorable member of the peerage, unprovoked, at the Animosity Bridge. Thankfully, due to the skillful hands of my personal seamstress, I was wearing an enhanced corset, saving me from harm. However, I can not in good conscience allow this individual to continue prowling the streets, for they may seriously harm someone less fortunate than myself. Therefore, I am calling for their CAPTURE AND CURING, so that they may return to being a productive citizen of the Empire. For reference, I have had these missives printed with a sketch of Florian on the back. Let this endeavor show the rest of those who would poison our streets with violence, and endanger us, that there are CONSEQUENCES, but also mercy.
Florian, if you are reading this, I understand your pain. I would lash out and attack beautiful Noble women if I was as unfortunate in appearance. But fear not! A shower and a fresh set of clothes await you. I will personally sponsor a much-needed makeover at La Belle Vie should you freely submit to curing.
And to the rest of those in Crookback, whose hearts are full of resentment, corrupted by forces unseen: please remember His love and His grace. Know that even in these dark times, the light of the Everwatcher may still guide you to the path of righteousness. Above all, do not forget that forgiveness is never out of reach.
Glory to the Empire,
Countess of Cérilly

Countess of Cérilly
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