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Urijah Jamesson - A Ballad Of The Bullish, Boystrous, Beast

BillyTheScruffy

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The following treatise went out to various institutions, taverns, public houses, and noble families following the declaration of Urijah Jamesson that morning.

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At first, I had decided not to grant legitimacy to your desperate lashing out for attention by formulating a response to your comical treatise, which is evidently bathed in hypocrisy, deceit and noxious ideology however my hand has been forced mostly by recollection and reflection over the last three years, which has led me to an understanding of an issue I had wished to remain blissfully ignorant of. To fully understand the enigma that is Urijah Jamesson, one must return to his first few years in the Crown Isle. Over these years, I have examined this specimen from afar and have kept tabs on him; as a concerned member of society would for, say, the village fool or the well known, decrepit but endearing homeless person; which is advantageous because I believe I can do the story of Urijah Jamesson some justice and hopefully enlighten the poor chap to a thing or two about his inner turmoils as well as showcase to the public--with evidence--why we must hold pity for this fallen scab of a bygone, Montegarian time.

Author's note: The usage of the word 'Montegarian' is an author's choice to describe an era in time whereby the common behavioral pattern for some of the weaker, sexually and emotionally repressed and damaged males in the Empire would lash out in response to liberal legislative developments in usually a boisterous and overly aggressive manner to justify self-inflicted delusions of grandeur and make up for inherent shortcomings in their own masculinity.


Urijah quickly made his way to notoriety in the city as your typical, spirited young warrior who enjoyed the usual stereotypes of his Northern culture; that being engaging in rebellious behaviour toward the established Unionist hierarchy; attacking innocents; mocking the nobility and igniting tavern brawls. It is to my understanding that it was this sort of behaviour that spawned interest from the rest of the then Skagger community into adopting him into their ranks to run amok in defiance of individuals such as Charles Montagaard and Ulric Typhonus. This is when things become a little peculiar as I don't have the exact timeline in which he joined the following groups, but I believe to the best of my ability this is correct. He first was enlisted within the 'Hightower Guard Regiment', his first legitimate job working for the Regalian City Guard. It was during this time Urijah's eyes were opened to the convenience of having a Law Enforcement prerogative which allowed him to conduct his assaults on the populace without legal repercussion, despite Guards of other charter's attempting to intervene. During this period he would embark into Old Town, beat, bludgeon, and assault individuals there for being 'lesser' often drag them from the bridge into the City proper so that he could then arrest them. This was common practice for Hightower members, so I am told, and thankfully the few that still persist in various charters nowadays have seen the error of their ways. This string of behaviour also occurred throughout various other groups Urijah has been a part of since his arrival to the city, such as the former Blackguard, and also lead to his involvement in the Virathus Krupp northern assassination attempt as part of the Nordmark, on Ulric Typhonus after Krupp was booted from his authority in favour of Ulric. Now granted some of this is understandably hearsay however, there are numerous reports, proclamations, and allegations that have been attached to this document, including a copy of Urijah's own confession to actions taken during his time in the Blackguard.

That is a brief outline of Urijah Jamesson and the man people have come to know him to be. So now we must try and understand this enigma of a man to understand what might have prompted the recent dismissal of him from the Iron Watch Charter of the Guard and his subsequent attack on my reputation which, I must admit, others have done better. This anger, irritability, and aggression is likely prompted over a loss of authority that once served as a cloak of protection. While Urijah claims in his writings that he "was one of if not the most incorruptible guards around" this, however, is just not factually based in any respect when one reviews the attached arrest reports, proclamations, confession and allegations (which he has been arrested for and are still to this day on the books).

Urijah, the Regalian people are here to help, all you need do is admit that you have a problem. There is no use continuing this existence as a soft-bellied pagan fool, rattling your emotions around like a club in hopes that you'll hit something that'll make up for the lack of love and attention your mother failed to give you. Quite frankly, myself and the other Lord Commanders you served under are fed up to the back teeth of this constant spiralling behaviour of yours and finally, something has been done about it. This tirade of actions that constitute nothing more than a defence for clearly fragile masculinity has stained the Conservative Movement long enough. Grabbing the nearest blunt object and playing whack-a-creaker with Non-Ailors is not patriotic nor is it conservative in any form. It's a cry for help for individuals who do not care for what the Conservative Movement stands for, but rather want an excuse to enact some ill-begotten power fantasy that has long escaped their grasp in the reality of their day to day lives. It is this writer's opinion that conservatism is about tact, reservation, and disregard to change that would alter the position of the Empire insofar as to place us into a weaker position than our enemies by removing ourselves from military traditions and allowing degeneracy to sully our poise and morale. Make no mistake, I dislike most mages and other races, and while I do believe in the supremacy of the Ailor people, I recognise that by not adapting with the times with that same form of poise, tact, and repertoire, we will not stand the tests that will present themselves to us in the years to come.

So by all means. Feel free to accost my person for the adoption of Valarosta Ino-Femunn as Court Mage to my House by my son. I have grown accustomed to being criticised for choices I did not make. Its just a little melancholic given that the report of your under city adventures was initially given by a member of your very own charter, which was later corroborated by Valarosta and three other undercity usuals, including a mercenary. That in combination with your track record is enough corroborative evidence for me to come to the conclusion that you have very little regard to the law you are meant to be upholding. You're better off as some chimney sweep in crookback; not a member of Law Enforcement.

In conclusion, while I found your declaration amusing for the most part and prompting of my comical reply, in thinking more about the situation I came to discover there was more to this behaviour than originally meets the eye. Individuals like Urijah Jamesson still lurk within the city proper, clinging to a semblance of what used to be during the time of the Blackguard, Bastion Guard and the other various Guard Institutions that permitted these beatings, complete disregard for policy and so on and so forth. No more. Its time we snuff this out so that true conservative behaviour can run its course again and these aggressors to the belief can be settled back into the cracks of their bygone era.

In relation to conservatism, please be prepared for a more indepth treatise on modern day conservatism this week and how, even though the ideology will not allow for needless development, it must adapt to the times and found a 'New Age Conservatism' that represents the political climate today rather than five, ten, or twenty five years ago.

For your consideration,
Imperial Marshal William Howlester
Grand Commander of the Old Guard
Landesgericht Inspector

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Below the treatise were the following printed dockets of old guard reports/publications and bureaucratic stamps that would give access to archived information.
https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/urijahs-proclamation.68492/
https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/denouncement-of-the-black-regiment.67591/
Hightower Guard Report - https://gyazo.com/c34f917a2bd184ffcc0968c8c9095989
Greywitch Guard Report - https://gyazo.com/ef02ad73cebf2cd1d75783ae13ba3709
https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/the-wardens-intent.67606/

Props to @MantaRey for processing this for moi.
 
Esmerelda Faeberos took hold of the notice and began laughing hysterically to the point where she foamed at the mouth and keeled over onto the stoned ground. "Your dads livid mate" she said to Rodderick
 
The Url reads it over and looks over to his wife and daughter a bit thunder struck. "Never thought I'd see the day I wanted more conservatives, but may Handrin send us more like him and less like Urijah."
 
"I told Urijah to simmer down," Valarosta murmured idly as she made her way through the halls of the Howlester estate, treatise clutched in one hand whilst the other held a fresh cup of tea, on a path that would inevitably lead her to the dining hall.
"Monkey this, monkey that, blah-blah-blah. Perhaps with this, he can catch up with the rest of the city and be useful."