- Joined
- Sep 23, 2014
- Messages
- 24
- Reaction score
- 51
- Points
- 0
So much has happened since I first joined Massive. First day started off brilliantly, read the lore, met new people attacked a Kade, all that fun stuff. After a week I started forming a group called the Enders, a group of mages with no real goal, just existing. Boy did we cause a lot of lore in-compliant mayhem. For a while I was getting nowhere, one character after another was killed, but as many people know I have a stubborn persistence. The changing point happened when a player, one whom was regarded as a "celebrity" of sorts at the time told me on team-speak to leave an rp situation because I was 'irrelevant'.
It hit me pretty hard and so I began striving to get better. More than anything I wanted to have people simply acknowledge my existence. Someone who played a Kade character ended up teaching me not only rp, but ethics as well, something I struggle with greatly. Unfortunately he was not often enough, but he taught me enough rp to which I was able to learn from trial and error and soon I was able to make friends. For a time things went well, sure I had a few bumps in the road but other than that it was smooth sailing. But it was just the calm before the storm.
Depression hit me hard, anti-depressants only served to make it worse, that added with severe social isolation made for a bad mix. I started serious self-loathing, to extreme degrees. I became paranoid that people would learn about the "Real me" and see just how pathetic and petty I really was. I lied, constantly, and the worst part is I got good at it. It got to the point to where I was in a situation where I wouldn't even need to lie yet I would regardless. I evened lied to friends I held so dear.
In the end I got what I wanted, most of the older players knew me. But not on the best terms. I had forged a reputation so resilient that even leaving for six months would not fix it. Even now I've been told up front not to rp with someone because of my rep. And I can't honestly blame them. But I won't stop trying to fix things, I could never stop that. I wish a simple apology could fix things but it's going to take time and hard work which I have committed myself to.
That's the story of me. WhiteTheKid, it's nice to meet all of you.
It hit me pretty hard and so I began striving to get better. More than anything I wanted to have people simply acknowledge my existence. Someone who played a Kade character ended up teaching me not only rp, but ethics as well, something I struggle with greatly. Unfortunately he was not often enough, but he taught me enough rp to which I was able to learn from trial and error and soon I was able to make friends. For a time things went well, sure I had a few bumps in the road but other than that it was smooth sailing. But it was just the calm before the storm.
Depression hit me hard, anti-depressants only served to make it worse, that added with severe social isolation made for a bad mix. I started serious self-loathing, to extreme degrees. I became paranoid that people would learn about the "Real me" and see just how pathetic and petty I really was. I lied, constantly, and the worst part is I got good at it. It got to the point to where I was in a situation where I wouldn't even need to lie yet I would regardless. I evened lied to friends I held so dear.
In the end I got what I wanted, most of the older players knew me. But not on the best terms. I had forged a reputation so resilient that even leaving for six months would not fix it. Even now I've been told up front not to rp with someone because of my rep. And I can't honestly blame them. But I won't stop trying to fix things, I could never stop that. I wish a simple apology could fix things but it's going to take time and hard work which I have committed myself to.
That's the story of me. WhiteTheKid, it's nice to meet all of you.
